Maldive

Maldive – Pensieri Pre Partenza

Maldive

Domani parto per le Maldive. Per la seconda volta in un mese e mezzo.
Domani si realizza di nuovo quello che solo pochi mesi fa non avrei mai ritenuto possibile.
La reflex, il drone, ora anche la Go Pro. Il workshop fotografico, le centinaia di mail inviate agli hotel, i contatti con i fotografi che se prima non mi consideravano, ora sono loro a cercare me.
Il blog, le sveglie all’alba per dedicarmi a Instagram, le notti insonni a chiedermi se stessi facendo la cosa giusta o stessi solo buttando via tempo.

Domani salirò da sola a bordo del nostro 787 Dreamliner, da sola con tutta la mia attrezzatura fotografica, da sola con l’entusiasmo di chi non vede già l’ora di essere lì, ma anche con la paura di commettere un passo falso.
E allora mi sono ripulita il drone, dalla salsedine e dalla sabbia delle altre Maldive, mi sono studiata i tutorial della Go Pro, i programmi di montaggio video, le inquadrature, gli scatti da fare, fuori e dentro l’acqua.
Ho imparato ad usare il Telesin, quella lente che permette di fare fotografie a metà tra il mare e la superficie e che rende possibile quell’effetto che tanto mi piace e che tanto sta tirando sui social. L’ho montata sulla Go Pro questa mattina e poi ho fatto le prove nel lavandino della cucina, gasandomi come se avessi appena fotografato la barriera corallina a Bora Bora invece che una lastra d’acciaio.

Felice di quanto fatto ed ottenuto fino ad ora e sognando ad occhi aperti quanto ancora potrei fare, dove ancora potrei andare, arrivare, cosa ancora potrei vedere.
Se solo tre mesi fa qualcuno mi avesse detto che sarei stata ospite al Soneva Fushi, uno degli hotel più esclusivi delle Maldive, in cambio di pubblicità sul mio profilo Instagram, ovviamente non ci avrei mai creduto.
Se poi quel qualcuno avesse aggiunto che dopo il Soneva sarei andata al Lux* South Ari, allora l’avrei davvero preso per pazzo.
Invece ecco che Denise di Lux* mi scrive per offrirmi due notti in uno degli hotel che avevo sempre sognato, e che Terry di Soneva me ne offre inaspettatamente altre tre in quell’angolo di paradiso che ero certa fossi destinata a vedere solo dalle pagine di un catalogo.

Maldive

Felice? Si.
Soddisfatta? Questo mai. Sarebbe contro la mia natura.
Entusiasta? Sempre.

In questi due mesi lontana dall’ufficio mi sono spesso fermata a riflettere su quello che stavo facendo, di tempo per pensare ne ho avuto, ma ancora adesso faccio fatica a darmi una risposta. Scrivere, viaggiare, visitare hotel di lusso che solo poco tempo fa sognavo ad occhi aperti, tutto questo dovrebbe farmi saltellare per casa come una cavalletta, invece troppo spesso sento che l’obbiettivo è ancora lontano, che raggiunta una meta ce n’è subito un’altra, che tutti si aspettano da me qualcosa che ancora non riesco ad afferrare.

Salire su quell’aereo domani sera, sentirlo alzarsi e schiacciarmi la testa sul suo sedile azzurro, avere quelle nove ore per me, solo per me, per dare un ordine a tutti quei pensieri che si accavallano nella mia testa da due mesi a questa parte, lasciargli finalmente spazio e provare a capire davvero cosa voglio fare, dove posso arrivare.
Mi manca il mio lavoro e quell’ufficio che tante volte mi stava stretto, mi mancano le risate tra colleghi e le giornate che passano veloci tra un problema in loco e la lavorazione del catalogo.
Mi manca quella parte della mia vita che mi sono guadagnata, così come amo questa nuova parte della mia vita che non mi dà alcuna stabilità, che mi fa tremare la terra sotto ai piedi e che proprio per questo mi fa sentire viva.

Vorrei avere vent’anni e tutte le porte aperte davanti a me, invece io a vent’anni nemmeno sapevo da che parte girarmi.
Così come vorrei averne cinquanta e sentirmi finalmente in pace e soddisfatta, avere i piedi per terra e la consapevolezza di aver realizzato tutti i miei sogni.
Faccio fatica a stare nel mezzo, a mantenermi in equilibrio, faccio fatica ad apprezzare quello che ho qui e adesso, a godermi il presente, e non posso fare a meno di pensare a quello che è stato e a quello che sarà.

E allora penso a domani, a quando mi toglierò le scarpe per rimetterle solo alla fine della settimana e appoggerò i piedi sulla sabbia, a quando sentirò il sole sulla mia pelle che sono tornata dall’Egitto solo da una settimana e già mi manca, penso a quando aprirò gli occhi al mattino e avrò davanti a me l’azzurro del mare, di quel mare che non ce ne sono altri uguali, a quando farò la mia prima immersione subacquea in quel paradiso, fresca di brevetto, e a quello che proverò ad essere lì sotto da sola.
Penso alla colazione in camera, alla frutta tropicale, al pesce fresco e ad un bicchiere di vino al tramonto.
Penso a quanto mi hanno regalato le Maldive l’ultima volta, impagabile, a quanto mi regaleranno anche questa volta, a che bello che è stato e a che bello che sarà ancora.
Penso che tutto questo me lo sono guadagnata da sola e che forse un po’ soddisfatta di me stessa dovrei esserlo davvero.
Penso che forse non è ancora ciò che voglio o ciò che gli altri si aspettano da me, ma è un passo avanti in una direzione che non voglio abbandonare.

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